Life (through and) After Divorce
Many years ago, after several decades of marriage and partnership with the same person, we realized our journey together had come to a fork in the road and as neither of us felt continuing on the same road with the other person was in our best interests, we opted to get a divorce and go our separate ways.
Sounds like a rational and logical decision made by two people who simply didn’t want to continue on a journey together, right?
Well, if you have ever been married and gone through a divorce, you know that is NOT how it happens. There is no easy way to decide to leave a committed relationship. Especially one that you have been partner in for more than half of your life.
Truth is, it’s hard on everyone involved no matter how evolved you are or how high your self-esteem level may be. On some levels, it does feel like a failure. And if the reason for the breakdown in the marriage was fueled by lying, cheating, abuse, or any of the other common reasons for divorce, it only adds to the level of failure one may feel.
That all said, I am here to give you some insights on living a happy and healthy life after divorce. I’ve been there. I am going to sharing the lessons I have learned along the way. Things no one told me because society says it’s shameful to talk about divorce. I call bullshit and I am pulling back the curtain on moving through divorce and into a life where you feel amazing every day!
- Divorce happens because something went astray between two people who were at one time, committed to being together for a lifetime. It is never the fault of one person. Yet, that said, if one party cheats, that is on that person, it has nothing to do with the faithful partner. Cheaters cheat for a variety of reasons, but in the end, they all point to something inside of the cheater that needs to be addressed and healed if they ever want to be a faithful partner in a relationship.
- Divorce is NOT a failure. Leaving a marriage may feel horrible at that moment in time. That is nature and normal. It may feel like a death where grieving and sadness become your norm as you process your feelings about moving forward. Bottom line: leaving a marriage where you or your partner are not both committed, is a GOOD thing! It’s setting a healthy boundary and standard for your life.
- Divorce does not have to be the end of life as you know it. You can keep your friends and you can continue doing the things that you enjoy. You can create new friendships and find new hobbies as well. I personally, moved halfway across the country, to the beach after being landlocked for almost 20 years. I didn’t know a soul when I moved, yet within a few short months, I made new friends. Know that some of your old friends may not stick around. For whatever the reason may be, if that happens, let it. Know that this is the ebb and flow of all relationships.
- If you are now a single mom and fear of how you’ll pay the bills is creeping in, take a moment to breathe. Relax and know this, if you are willing to learn new things, the world is full of possibilities for earning more money than you could ever need, it’s up to you to see this as an option and be open to exploring ways to bring in income for you and your little ones. One of my favorite books on Money is: Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Gikandi. Grab it on Amazon or your local library. It’s a game changer!
- Feelings and emotions are going to come at you in waves during the first few years after divorce. You may feel angry, sad, missing your old life before divorce, questioning yourself and wondering what you did wrong. This is part of the grief process, feel the feelings. Allow yourself to cry, punch a pillow, take a kick-boxing class, or go to a rage room and break things. Those are super fun!!! The key is to keep the energy flowing through you and ultimately to release it.
There is so much more I can share, it would take days to read… so I will stop here and say, if you are someone who is struggling through divorce or making a new life for yourself after divorce and you’d like to work with me one-on-one, click here and let’s chat in more detail.
Life after divorce can be the most beautiful experience. Meeting new people, learning new skills, having new adventures. There is so much out there in this expansive world we live in. Go out and LIVE LARGE my friend, you deserve it!
Caryn Gottlieb © 2023
Caryn Gottlieb 