Divorce. Just saying that word causes people to go into a tizzy. Some will get defensive and start raving about all the drama and so called crap that occurred within their marriage and subsequent divorce. Others will rant about their ex-spouse and all the reasons why they caused the marriage to fail, leading to a bitter divorce. For most, it is not a pretty word. And yet, it you allow it to be, divorce can be one of the biggest blessings you receive in this lifetime. After all, if you are married to someone with whom you are no longer in love, and you feel all sorts of icky emotions when you are around them, isn’t it a good thing to be able to leave that environment and shift into one where you are happier and healthier, both physically and emotionally?
Let’s talk about all the ways divorce can be a blessing if you allow it to be one.
- You receive your freedom back. Maybe you had not even considered that you were making decisions based on someone else. Maybe you did not notice that your passions and interests were being put on the back burner or ignored during your marriage. Now, as a single person, you have the freedom to decide what does and does not feel right for you. You are truly free.
- You can create a peace within your soul. You may notice that your level of anxiousness or sadness changes for the better. Yes, you may need to seek mental health care to walk through some of the emotions you are feeling if they are heavy and impacting your daily life. However, many feel a calmness overcome them almost instantly and naturally once they are out of the environment with the former spouse. They say you cannot heal in the same environment which made you sick in the first place. This is so true. Even getting away for a weekend or a few days while you are going through the process of moving out of your environment, will make a world of difference for you.
- The list of benefits related to getting a divorce, moving out of the same home as your former partner and starting fresh in a new environment, is long. I’ll share one of the bigger ones that I find helps several of my coaching clients when they hear it and take the time to digest it.
- Lessons for children involved. Children who see their parents divorce learn many things from the experience. It is up to the parents, as the adults in the situation, to be mindful of what lessons they are demonstrating to their children.
- Be kind when speaking about the other person, especially in front of your children. YOU, as the parent, CHOSE to be with this person. You slept with them, you created children with them, you made these decisions. Now, even though the marriage is ending, choose kind words to speak about your former partner as they are still the parent to your child and you are linked for life. It is healthier for children to see their parents divorced and happy on their own instead of seeing their parents unhappy and still married or bickering at every chance they get. Choose kindness.
Written by: Caryn Gottlieb. 2023. Sharing permitted with author consent.
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Caryn Gottlieb 